Tired leadership and over-functioning

This morning, while I was still asleep, my four-year-old plopped himself beside me at 6:15 a.m. I was frustrated—mostly at myself. This, I realized, was on me.

We have an agreement. He waits until his alarm clock lights up green at 6:30 a.m. Before that, he can read or relax in his room. But recently, he’s been arriving early. Sometimes as early as 5:00 a.m. I’ve been too tired to take him back to his bed, so I let him snuggle.

And just like that, I let it slip—in the same way I see many leaders let things slip at work.

Not out of carelessness. But out of exhaustion…fearing the emotional repercussions, or having the quiet thought that this isn’t worth addressing right now.

I have compassion for all of it. Many of us are carrying more than usual. Fatigue softens consistent follow-through. It blurs boundaries. And slowly—almost imperceptibly—standards drift.

By letting my son come in early just once, I confused him.

I unintentionally sent a message: the agreement is flexible. The boundary is negotiable. It’s worth testing. So he kept coming in early all week.

Children aren’t so different from adults in this way. When agreements drift, it’s rarely about incompetence. My son is fully aware of our agreement and has proudly waited until 6:30 a.m. before. The drift is more often about leadership attention. As the leader, you decide the expectations, how the work is carried out, and reinforce it through consistent, timely feedback and support.

When people drift, the most useful question isn’t What’s wrong with them? It’s What part of this do I own?

The good news is that drift is almost always correctable with a reset. The key is to avoid blame and approach with curiosity and clarity.

A reset can sound like this:

“It looks like we’ve drifted from our agreement around X. I’m curious—what’s been getting in the way of this working as we intended?

[Listen for gaps in training, access to information, competing priorities, unresolved feelings, or unclear expectations. Address those where you can, or name what you’ll look into next if it’s relevant. Then describe how you will follow through to ensure things stay on track.]

I realize I didn’t step in early enough to realign us, so I want to reset that now. For the next X weeks, here’s what I expect .... and here’s how I’ll check in to make sure we’re back on track.”

When leaders don't follow-through, they often compensate by doing more work themselves. They fix the mistakes. Rewrite the email. Step into decisions their team could have handled.

It looks productive.
It feels helpful.
And it’s even more exhausting.

Tired leadership often shows up as over-functioning.

It’s not easy to slow down, reset agreements, and hold the line with care. But that’s where growth happens - for leaders and teams alike.

If you’re ready to strengthen your leadership, or let go of patterns that aren’t serving you or your team let’s talk about coaching.

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