How to get the appreciation you deserve

Do you ever feel like you’re working hard and no one seems to notice?

Or worse, the only feedback you get is what’s not working?

That can be very destabilizing. Not only does it erode confidence and motivation, it can also make you wonder whether you're in the right place.

The good news is that you can ask for positive feedback. And it’s not needy or a sign of weakness.

Here’s how:

♀️1. Clarify who you want feedback from

One of my clients, an engineer, was frustrated that her VP wasn’t giving her useful input. But her VP had a sales background. Once my client started gathering feedback from technical peers, everything shifted. She felt validated, and her confidence returned.

Sometimes the issue is not a lack of appreciation. It is asking the wrong person for the wrong kind of input.

🎯2. Get clear on how you want to be recognized

A leader I coached thought that giving more responsibility to his employee was an act of appreciation. Instead, the employee experienced it as added pressure. It felt like a punishment, not a reward, for excelling.

Perhaps someone is sending signals that you're on the right track, but it’s not landing. It may not match what actually motivates you.

What type of acknowledgment truly fuels you?

- Verbal acknowledgment
- A quick email
- Public recognition
- Growth opportunities
- Compensation

Your boss, colleague, client, or even a loved one is not a mind reader. What feels obvious to you may not be on their radar.

✋3. Ask for it

I know this part can feel vulnerable.

Many people resist asking because they worry it will seem needy. In reality, this is about strengthening your performance and taking responsibility for your engagement.

Here’s how it can sound:

“Could we spend a few minutes in our next one-on-one talking about my progress and what’s working well?”

Then:

“I appreciate knowing how to improve, and here’s what I’ve done with that feedback. It would also be helpful to understand where I’m meeting or exceeding expectations so I can build on that.”

This is not just about praise. It is about doing good work. It is about knowing your impact. Mattering happens through relationship - we need this exchange of information. We're social beings. And by the way, the person you’re asking (or the one you feel hasn't acknowledged you) often has no idea this is missing and is more than willing to reflect with you.

Advocate for the kind of input that helps you grow.It is one of the most direct ways to stay engaged, build confidence, and do work you’re proud of.

If you try this, I would genuinely love to hear how it goes.